Road Blocks

After several months of trying to find a job (I've been looking since March-ish) and having no luck, I decided I would try to teach piano lessons and get licensed to do in home day care. I thought I may have better luck earning income that way. I was finally making some headway in getting licensed for day care but today I hit a major road block. It turns out that I am not able to run a day care from my house (licensed or otherwise) because my association doesn't allow any for profit business (regardless of how small) to take place in our neighborhood. So, scratch that idea. Unfortunately, this also means that I am not going to be able to teach piano lessons as that is considered a for profit business venture. To say I am upset is to put it mildly.
I feel like the only option I have right now is to keep looking for work which is a dismal prospect considering how many unemployed people are also looking for jobs that simply don't exist right now. There is almost nothing I can cut out of our monthly budget at this point. I even have our monthly grocery budget worked down to 175 dollars (including diapers and formula). I'm not writing this to find sympathy or pity and I am certainly NOT looking for a handout. However, I do need to express my concern and worry and it's difficult for me to bring this up in person. I'd rather that people know our situation so I can forgo having to pretend as though everything is fine and I can quit making lame excuses for why we can't go places/do things when we are invited. Though I need to vent and to voice my frustrations, I don't want to bring this up in person and up being a Sulky Sara (my version of the Debbie Downer) when I am supposed to be enjoying the people around me. Plus, it's a little embarrassing to be in this situation. Nobody likes to admit that they are having trouble. It definitely never makes for a good conversation starter.

We knew there was no way I could keep my job once Weston came along. The nights and weekends combined with Tom's travel and school schedule made it impossible to find day care. I knew I was going to have to leave the job and I knew it would be hard to find something else, but I didn't know it would be this hard.

I really don't mean to be sulky. I don't. Things are just kind of tough right now and after today's realization that I can't do day care or piano lessons, I'm slightly panicked about having to dip into our savings to pay all the bills. We can only do that for so long before we run out of savings to dip into. I know I share the challenge of making ends meet with people all over the country who are out of work right now and I am not alone. It feels odd that I am part of that statistic of unemployed Americans who cannot find work or who are underemployed. What used to always seem like 'someone else's problem' is now my problem! I know things could be a lot worse and I am thankful that we have what we do. I am thankful. I make mental lists of everything I am thankful for and there is certainly a lot..... Thankful. Thankful. Thankful. I am thankful that Tom's job is at least very stable and provides us with great health benefits. I'm thankful we have supportive family and friends. I'm thankful we have a roof over our heads and food in our refrigerator. I know things will get better. When I've had a long day of searching for jobs and come out of it without anything even worth applying for, I remind myself that I have a healthy husband and a healthy baby and that it won't be this hard forever. On the bright side, I get to spend an extended maternity leave enjoying lots of bonding time with Weston. I can just pretend we live in Switzerland and I'm getting a year of maternity leave... A girl can pretend, right?